Text: James 1:19-20 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
Main Idea: The way we listen, the way we speak and the way we manage our anger will have the greatest impact on our family experience. And the greatest influence on all three is the love of Christ.
The Proverbs are filled with references to speaking and listening.
- Proverbs 15:1 – A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
- Proverbs 16:21 – Sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness or promotes instruction.
I. Quick to Listen.
- This is unnatural. It is counter intuitive. It is averse to the flesh.
- When there is conflict in your relationship you are not ready to resolve it until you are ready to listen. The order is quick to listen. Slow to speak.
- Listening to understand. Asking clarifying questions.
- Not just in the context of conflict, listening communicates love.
II. Slow to Speak
- In the same way we cannot unring a bell we can’t unspeak a harsh, cutting word.
- Most things we have to say to someone can be said after we have had time to think about how to say it with love.
- But slow to speak doesn’t mean don’t Silence about a matter that matters to us can turn into resentment. Resentment is a grudge. It is bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly.
- Be thoughtful about what to say, be timely in when to say it, be loving in the way you say iit
III. Slow to become angry
- Why is this slow to anger associated with speech? Few things trigger anger quicker than what is said and how it’s said.
- Unregulated anger doesn’t lead to righteous results. Unleashed anger doesn’t usually cause things to end well for us.
- (1 Samuel 25) David and Abigail. Abigail saved David from acting hastily in anger.
Incentive
Being slow to speak, quick to listen and slow to become angry are skills we can learn. These skills can help prevent reactionary outbursts from going from a brush fire to a forest fire.
But as I said last week, I don’t want to spend time giving you what you can get by just googling it. How many anger management books and courses are there?
Take time out. And then use the time out, not just to cool off but to process it with the Lord. Be angry but do not sin. Process the anger righteously.
We have full and free access to the Lord and an invitation to pour out our hearts to Him. You can express anything to the Lord, and you don’t have to explain or justify anything.
2 Corinthians 5:14-15 14For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.
The love of Christ compels us, controls us. When the love of Christ is in control in my life… Love comes out of my life. 1 Corinthians 13:5 Love is not touchy, irritable, or overly sensitive. It lubricates our “want to.”
Our greatest battle is not in doing the right things but believing the right things. What do we believe about how God sees us in the process of trying to do the right thing? How does He see us when we’re tired of trying? How does He see us when we’ve failed?
If we believe that God is always for us. If we believe the Holy Spirit is our helper and comforter. His love will gain greater control of our hearts and the way we listen, and the way we speak and slowness to anger will follow.
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